i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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