I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize