She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
