He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
