What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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