It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
