its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
