The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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