The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
