You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize