just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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