420 ftw
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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