so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize
