I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
