Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
