Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize