She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
