I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize