i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize