Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize