I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
