i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
