I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Randomize
