you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize