Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
