remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
