Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
do nipples grow back?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
