if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
