I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
