I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
