he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
