he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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