Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
