Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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