Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he's single and there are thong briefs.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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