When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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