i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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