Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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