Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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