i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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