I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
