dude i'm inner monologue high
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
