Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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