I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
