Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
