Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
