i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
