**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
