So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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