I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
