Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize