Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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