He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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