He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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