Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
