So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
