So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
