Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You work out of a Hotel?
It's Friday. Sex?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
