Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
