sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
