So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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