Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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