I think I won the penis lottery.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
