Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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