The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
