I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
