hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
