I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
