Do vagina's smell?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
