she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
