I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
