oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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